American Royal – A Short Story
They had sent a specific email out to all of the competitors the day before about the shower facilities. They were available. A mobile unit. On the third day onsite, and no opportunity to leave, Luke had little choice. With all meats prepped, and only the cookers to light, he headed off on his trusty bike, OVS3, and headed to the area where the showers were.
A security guard stood post at the exit. A squat man with glasses, clad in an official looking jacket with the Chiefs logo and the number 6342. He looked bored.
“Hey man…can I leave my bike up here? I’m headed to the showers” queried Luke.
“Do you have a wristband?”
“No. Not on me.”
“Well,” the man replied, “I’m not supposed to let you go, or watch your bike. You should have a wrist band. But I’m not going anywhere any time soon. So feel free. I’ll watch your bike.”
“Thanks dude.” Luke grabbed his towel and headed off to the showers.
Mobile showers, indeed. A white building the size of a double wide was parked in the players lot at Arrowhead. It was dark. There were no other people around.
After briefly considering to check the woman’s side to see if it was empty, Luke entered the men’s side. It was brightly lit with four shower stalls. Luke opened the door to the stall furthest from him and found the equivalent of a crime scene. Fouled rags, used soap, a little blood and other things. He slammed the door shut and jumped back. His fear of public rest rooms was legendary.
A voice rang out from the stall across the aisle. “Don’t do it man. It’s not worth it.”
“But I’m so dirty,” exclaimed Luke. “I’m just going to rinse off.”
“Don’t do it. There’s no hot water. And it’s so gross.”
Silence.
Because of bathroom protocols, the stall next to the fearful stranger was not an option. Luke reached for the final door, and found a similar environment to the first shower, but in slightly better condition. He made sure to keep his shoes on and rinsed off quickly.
With some careful towel work, his feet never left his shoes or touched the tainted surface. He quickly dressed, and left the shower facility. The voice behind the door said quietly, “I told you.”
Luke abandoned his towel and washcloth outside the shower. They were as sullied as he was at this point. He hurried up the stairs, feet still wet inside wet crocs, to find 4 girls and a gentleman arguing with the security guard.
Luke nodded his way past, and got on his bike. The man with the girls was pleading his case. He had no wristband, but the girls did.
“I have an extra back in the trailer. I will bring it to you,” Luke exclaimed. The security guard nodded. He didn’t need this sustained interaction.
Luke pedaled back to his site where he found Sean waiting on him. Luke jumped into the trailer, grabbed an extra wristband, and came back out.
“Cmon Sean. Let’s go for a bike ride.”
Sean hopped on his beach cruiser and the two pedaled back to the gate. The girls and the man were gone. Only the security guard remained.
“What happened? Where’d they go?”
“They left. But that was nice of you to go back.”
Luke shrugged and turned to leave, but Sean was interested.
“That’s a nice jacket. How do I get one?”
The guard replied, “they give them to us when we start our shift. I dunno.”
“I really like it. It has the Chiefs logo on it.”
The guard answered, “I have to turn it in every day.”
“6345….is that you?”
“We get a different number every day.”
“So they’d never know it was you, then.” Sean rsponded.
“Maybe tomorrow,” the guard said. And then went back to his perch by the gate.
The two pedaled off back to site. They stopped about halfway back to have a laugh.
“That was fun. But I really need to get back, Sean. I gotta wash my feet. I have shower AIDS.”
“We don’t have anything to drink, ” Sean said. “Where’s that nice blonde woman that always comes by the site?”
“Dreama. Well, it’s right there.”
Luke and Sean were right next to Rocks Money Pit’s site. Dreama is Rock’s wife.
“Let’s go.”
It was around 10 pm, and Rock cooks on a stick burner. So he was probably asleep. Luke rapped lightly on the door.”
Dreama answered, “hey guys! Rocky is asleep. What’s goin on?”
“Got any liquor?”
“Well yes!” She reached back in a cupboard and pulled out a full bottle of Fireball and handed it to them.
They thanked her profusely, mounted up with the bottle of Fireball safely in Sean’s basket on his bike and headed back to camp.
Luke still needed to wash his feet.
So they sat there in the middle of the aisle. Luke washed his feet In a bucket to get rid of the shower AIDS, while drinking Fireball with his buddy Sean and watching fireworks. An amazing Saturday night at the Royal.
Tilley, baby. Tilley.
So last weekend was our first sojourn south of the border this year into the wilds of North Carolina, down to a new comp for us, the Tilley Harley Davidson event in Salisbury, NC.
We’d been looking forward to this for a long time. We love all of our NC bretheren, and hadn’t seen them for a long long time.
Luke drove down on Thursday morning, then did some work in Charlotte. Back in time for dinner with two of his favorite BBQ people Rick Hamilton from Hambones by the Fire, and the brother from another mother Jerry Stephenson from Redneck Scientific. Much fun was had by all at dinner, including a fascinating discussion with the server at the wing restaurant on the issue of males taking care of their feet via pedicure. Turns out…she’s all for it.
The night was spent catching up with the NC crew, including Smokin’ Skullies, Muttley Crew, and Sauced. Also made some new friends as well, Roger and Marsha Wise from Pickin Porkers, Swine and Shine, and Andrew Rasmussen from The Smokehouse Mafia.
The night ended in a debate on moonshine, (VA wins) empty promises (IHOP at 8:15?) and cold chicken wings (delicious.). Morning came quick.
Jerry and Luke headed to the Dunkin’ Donuts, where a misorder was made of a chicken biscuit. This would hurt later. On to the meat prep and such, and getting the site ready. Luke would be alone until later that night. Kim was flying down that evening for the event.
Roger and Marsha put on THE BEST POT LUCK THAT I HAVE EVER SEEN. Pretty much the entire comp was there. People on all sides, and enough food to feed 200. And everything was delicious. Before we continue, there’s a bit of a side story that needs some tellin’—
Bubba and Jerry were cookin’ a low country boil for the judges that night for dinner. They cooked A LOT of food. Corn, potatoes, shrimp, sausage… we also were blessed to have it at the pot luck. Luke went over to check on em while they were making it, and found Roxanne, Jerry’s awesome sister, leaving to go to Lowes to get concrete blocks.
Luke didn’t think nothing about it. He went back to his cooksite, finished his meat prep, and then ventured on back over. The concrete blocks were to hold up the huge pot, which was too heavy for the burner. Worked like magic, and the food was amazing. There’s a reason they call them Redneck Scientific…
Then it was the long wait. The fantastic and beautiful Stacey Minder was kind enough to pick Kim up from the Charlotte airport, brave three hours of mindblowing traffic, and get our girl to the cooksite.
The cook was good, but not great. The gator got away from us again. But we thought the brisket was probably one of the best that we had cooked all year.
We had never cooked at a biker event before. We were really impressed with the job that Gary and his crew did with his event. And such a great acknowledgement of our veterans, and those that have died in combat. It was tremendous to be a part of.
We had our highest brisket finish of the year, a very awesome 2nd place. Everything was else was upper middle, and we finished with a very solid 6th overall. Huge congrats to Smoke on This for the GC, and Checkered Pig for the RGC, and Redneck Scientific for successfully defending their MABA Cup of North Carolina .
Next up…leg one of the western run to the American Royal in Kansas City.
RecoveryFest
Our annual trip to Richmond for RecoveryFest. This was one of the first contests that we ever did. And ever year it maintains being social in our hearts because of the organization that runs the event…the McShinn Foundation.
The McShin Foundation is Virginia’s leading Peer to Peer Recovery Community Organization.
McShinn has been remarkably effective with the method of Peer to Peer Recovery Support Services (PPRSS) which employs recovering addicts and alcoholics to educate, mentor, and spread the message of recovery to individuals new in sobriety.
Another Friday arrival with he help of Bad Bob, we got set up and ready to go, had a fried chicken lunch, and waited for Kimmie to arrive that night. Another stellar pot luck by the Kings of Richmond hospitality, those crazy kids at Wolfs Revenge, and the evening was off to a great start. (Chicken and waffles on a stick. Bangin.)
Normally this contest doesn’t draw a lot of the big teams, but this year the calendar dictated otherwise. Another packed stellar field, which seems to be the norm every week. The weather looked like it was gonna hold until the morning, but Saturday looked to be an adventure.
It POURED.
I’m not kidding. There was a river running through our cooksite. We felt bad for all of the teams cooking out of pop ups, but everyone pressed on.
We made it through without too much trouble from the rain and had a good time in the trailer singing and dancing, as will happen most days. Bob manned the trailer at night, and then missed the rains of the morning. Whilst sleeping in his car, he left his crocs outside. Right after the rains they had floated a good ways away from the car.
As Bob was in the Coast guard, we weren’t too worried about it. He’d be fine.
We had a good cook and a great time, particularly as we reunited with a lot of good friends. We finished tied for third with Wolfs Revenge. Huge congrats to our friend Mark Gibbs of Checkered Flag 500 on the GC, and Lil Will’s on the RGC.
Keepin’ on grindin’. Next week, Salisbury NC.
Head West, Young Man
Sorry this is post has been delayed…it’s been a whirlwind of late…
So after our win in Laurel, we had the Sam’s Club Regional the very next weekend in Richmond, VA. If we thought that the field was tough in Laurel, this would be even tougher. The top six qualifiers from the five eastern locals would meet in Richmond to do battle for ten spots available to the Sam’s Club National, with its $150,000 prize purse, in Bentonville, Arkansas.
It sure was hot in Richmond. We got a nice spot with some grass nearby, and it was great to cook next to the awesome dudes of Smokestatic Redemption. Across from us we found our good friends Rockin Robyn’s, Rock’s Money Pit was close, as was our good friends Stephanie and Terry from 270 Smokers.
And lest we forget, directly across from us was those crazy kids from Wolf’s Revenge. Chiles, Randy and Alli really are the best. They hosted the potluck on Friday night for dinner, and it was phenomenal. Kings of Richmond hospitality!
Friday night also gave us an opportunity to catch up with some friends that we hadn’t seen in a while. Big Ugly was in the house, as was a lot of our friends from up north, including Tim from Stubborn Bull, Chris and Joan from Rhode Hog BBQ, Insane Swine and the incomparable Ted Lorsen from Q Haven. And it’s always pleasant to visit with Bob Trudnak, who supports us all year long with BBQ Guru and BBQ Bob’s products.
The word of the weekend was Slapdick. So don’t don’t be a Slapdick.. Ya Slapdick. (Thank you Tim and Ted)
We had some difficulty with the cook, but nothing we couldn’t handle. In typical Sam’s fashion, awards were early at 3:30. Time to get down to it.
Calls were everywhere. We were very happy to get a first place rib call. Then they announce the 10 that get the golden ticket to Bentonville. We were holding our breath.
And Boom. 8th.
And we wouldn’t be going alone. Great friends Chix Swine and Bovine, Checkered Flag 500, 270 Smokers, Rock’s Money Pit, Rockin Robyn’s, and Beerbecue would also be going. Huge congrats to Rocky Top on GC and Insane Swine on RGC and to everyone else who got their ticket punched.
Back in Richmond next week for RecoveryFest!
No More, Susan Lucci!
Last week OVS trucked on up to good ol’ Bel Air, MD for the MD BBQ Bash. Ahh….good ol Bel Air. Home of the Orange crush. Oysters galore. Ravens fans everywhere, and Wagon Wheel played about 36 times throughout the two days.
We had a great time up there last year, and we’re really looking forward to cooking there again. Kim and I arrived up there on Thursday, got the trailer all situated and then went to dinner with our great friends Sharon and Mark Gibbs. The Ravens were playing a pre season game, and there was plenty of purple out and about, but Kim and I made it back to the trailer safely.
Friday was pretty uneventful. We got through our prep, had lunch with the Brown Liquor boys, and then got ready to go. We also had a tremendous pot luck dinner with Rockin’ Robyn’s, Aporkalypse Now, Brown Liquor, Team Meat Coma and a host of others that I’m sure I am forgetting.
Leigh Anne arrived and then things started getting weird throughout the night. Our buddy Pat (aka Flat Stanley) was asleep in BWal’s (Brian Walrath’s) truck, when the truck was hit by a drunk driver. Flat Stanley was okay, but only after BWal made sure he was ok.
Our cook went fine. Close to the judges tent. It was also a great surprise to get to see our good friend Sir William Stillwell, aka Goat, who was with us in DC. He was hanging with Neil Pappy from Grand Slam for the weekend.
And wouldn’t you know it…we finally got a First Place in pork. We had four 2nds this year, and we’re glad to get that monkey off our back. We finished 3rd overall, behind two of our favorite teams out there, Chix Swine and Bovine (GC) and Black Cat BBQ (RGC.)
Even further congrats extended to Brown Liquor for a perfect 180 in Ribs. I betcha someone got drunk somewhere…and congrats to 3eyz on a 180 in chicken.
Up next, VA BBQ Championships in Hampton, VA next weekend.
180 Girl
On the recommendation of our family at Dizzy Pig, we signed up for the Black Dog BBQ Festival in beautiful Floyd, Virginia. We had been to Floyd earlier in the year when we dropped the trailer off for a week with Susan and Theresa, and thought, “Yeah, we’ll come back here.”
We tried our best to get down there Thursday, but the weather and sleepiness argued otherwise. After some sleep, we headed to Chateau Morrisette on Friday morning, through a ridiculous fog.
Friday was also Jack draw day. We got to the site, and then got maneuvered into our site. Levelling the trailer was going to be a problem.
Thank God Tommy Houston from Checkered Pig was there. We found some big wood blocks…got her all jacked up and reasonably safe, and then got everything set up.
Floyd presented many awesome things. Next to our pals Dizzy Pig. Also joining he fray would be our great friends from the Carolina’s, Redneck Scientific. Jerry (aka Superman) and his awesome sister Roxanne were in the house, and brought this crazy pizza oven to make pizza for everyone on Friday. Also, a surprise visit from our buds Kathy and Allen Clem from Under the Radar.
The afternoon was harried. Kim was makin’ her anything butt dish, and Luke was doing meat prep to get everything ready.
The cooks meeting was at five, and then anything butt turn in….then pizza time. Right as the judges meeting ended, I checked my phone. Jack draw had been posted.
I checked it in silence. No OVS. No Redneck. No Checkered Pig.
Sadness.
But…a lot of our friends got drawn and our area will be very well represented. Special congrats to 270 Smokers, Under the Radar, and our brothers from another mother Big Block BBQ on getting the call. Represent, ya’ll.
We decided to drown our sorrows in pizza. I think Jerry rolled out about 15 of em…including three lobster mac and cheese pizzas using Kim’s leftovers. Everyone was happy.
Back to the trailer. Hung out with Dizzy Pig for a while, and then got the fires started .
The weather was awesome. Very cool, and foggy throughout the night. We set to work in the morning and had four solid turn ins.
One of the great things about Floyd is the efficiency. Awards would be at 3. Kim’s mom, her sister and a family friend came down for the afternoon.
The first award was going to be anything butt. Dizzy Pig rocked a third place for their rack of lamb, which was phenomenal. Then they announced second. Not us. I was so nervous….
1st place…OVS. Oh my.
Kim and I were over the moon. We went up to get the award and then came back to our seats. They told us we needed to come back. 180. Perfect score.
I cannot express the joy I felt for Kim. Such a huge accomplishment. I’m so proud of her.
We had a great showing. 6th place chicken, 10th place ribs, and 2nd place ribs for fourth overall. Huge congrats to Wolf’s Revenge on their RGC and Game On BBQ for their GC.
On to the next one….MD BBQ Bash in Bel Air, MD!
“Mayor said…”
When the Chillin’ and Grillin’ in the Glades popped up on the calendar, we figured…what the hey. Neither of us had been down to that part of Virginia before. It was a first year comp, and Kim had met the organizer earlier in the year in Lanexa, VA. She said Greg seemed like a nice fella, so we signed up.
We got to Wise around 6 p.m. on Thursday and had a very nice dinner with some BBQ friends at the hotel. We were staying at The Inn at Wise, which, according to just about any staff member you asked, is completely haunted.
The next day we got set up on the corner right across from the hotel. Primo spot, close to the hotel room that we rarely have when we are cooking. We were set up next to our new friend Billy Rhoades from Hickory Prime, who was right beside our traveling companions Serial Griller. Mark was by himself this weekend, so no fun hijinks with Nikki!
There were only 19 teams at this comp, but the field was extremely top heavy. 9 teams within the top 61 in the country were here. Including Donny Bray from Warren County Pork Choppers. Luke had taken Donny’s class earlier in the year, and this would be his first time cooking against him.
The usual stuff ensued. It naturally rained its ass off on Friday night. We made friends with the cook team across the street made up of prison guards, who facilitated a moonshine tasting party at 1:30 a.m. (Caramel and blackberry. What a treat. )
Kim got up and we set to work. We were without Leigh Anne, which meant more work for Kim and Luke. There were no surprises, but the ribs were a little tight. Time to hope and see at awards.
While cleaning up, Luke asked the Mayor, with whom we had befriended the day earlier, if he could move the truck onto the street and hook up the trailer. He said sure, no problem. So, we did. Shortly after, another official came by and said, “hey….move that truck.”
Luke looked at him and replied, straight dead panned, “Mayor said…”
The dude laughed and said it was cool. Droppin’ the mayor card.
Also during clean up, we see a dude just running around Serial Griller’s cooksite, cleaning everything and in general moving like a bug on a hot rock. Luke strolled down and asked Mark, “hey, did you get a new teammate when we weren’t looking?”
Mark replied, “Thats Greg. He’s doing community service.”
Turns out the organizer is a parole officer, and had dudes doing community service during the event. Genius.
This is an option?? Mark Breen, ladies and gentlemen. BBQ innovator.
Onto awards. Four teams were ripping out calls in every category….our friends from Under the Radar, our furry buddy Jay with 4:20Q, who had a first place chicken and brisket, the defending team of the year Warren County Pork Choppers…and OVS, with a 2nd place chicken, 7th place ribs, 4th placed pork and 5th place brisket. It was gonna be tight.
We thought for sure ol Hey Hey Jay had us, but then they called him for third. Down to us…and the 2014 KCBS team of the year.
And he got us. Which was expected.
Still, we were super excited to finish as RGC. We stayed in Wise another night to celebrate with friends, and enjoyed a kick ass show by Nighttrain, a Guns n Roses tribute band.
Wise VA has some of the best people you will ever meet. Some usual first year hiccups, but one of the most team friendly events you will ever find. We can’t wait to go back next year!
Got to see some friends we hadn’t seen in a long time, like our friend Sean Mikel with Contagious Q, and Allen and Kathy Clem with Under the Radar. Had a blast rocking out Saturday night with Daniel from Flavor Savor. We also made some new ones including Billy, Kelly and Rhonda from Uncultured Swine, and Jackie from Smoke On This. And Matt Smith and the prison guards. Those guys rule.
Couldn’t do this without all of the support from our sponsors Dizzy Pig BBQ, The BBQ Guru, BBQ Bob’s Havn’ a BBQ Sauce, Kosmos Q and The Wine’ing Butcher.
See you next week in Galax!
Sit Down, Rando
Ahhhh….the BBQ Jamboree. Where it all began 2 full years ago when we cooked out of the back of the pickup truck, slept in tents and relied upon a dude named Smooth to help froom getting all of our stuff blown away during thunderstorms. The place where, a year ago, we had our first category win ever, and won the inaugural Whiskey Challenge.
There would be another first this year.
In an unfortunate set of circumstances, we were able to load in on Thursday and partake of the frivolity. Good times were had by all as always when JD’s Smokin Misfits and Southern Maryland Smokers are involved.
Bad part was…off to work on Friday morning. Not fun, but necessary.
Leigh Anne was a trooper. Picked Luke up at 6:00 am and off to the VRE. Then back to the cooksite with her, where she and our good friend Bob McKee. They set up and had everything ready when Luke got back at 3. Kim would come in the evening.
Great weather, and a job well done by Jeremy and James, the two organizers. We had a good cook, but then had to do the dreaded peoples choice after turn ins. Its super awesome that our friends Keith and Cara come out every year to help us. We did the good work…handed out a bunch of dizzy pig pork, and then got ready for awards.
And…wow. 2nd place chicken. 2nd place ribs. 2nd place pork. With our strongest category coming.
No call.
Our friends and neighbors, Chix Swine and Bovine, also had three calls. We knew it was close. But Mike’s brisket was over the top awesome and got him the Grand Championship! And OVS got our first ever Reserve Grand Championship. Which is pretty awesome. Huge congrats to Mike and Barb. Some of the best neighbors you can have at a bbq comp.
Our second place finish was also good enough to garner us the Mid Atlantic BBQ Association Cup for Virginia! Its a goal that we’ve always had, and we are super proud of it. Gonna have to talk to the board though about having a cup where the lid can be removed. You know…so you can put stuff in it.
Huge thanks to our sponsors! Dizzy Pig, BBQ Guru, BBQ Bob’s Haven a BBQ Sauce, The Wineing Butcher and Kosmos Q!
ON the road this week when we get to see all of our NY friends at the Roc City Rib Fest in Rochester, NY.
Blueberry
Last weekend, Old Virginia Smoke ascended into Delaware for the first time ever to cook in the Triple Threat BBQ competition in Harrington, Delaware. With a packed field of 100 competitors from around the east coast, it would be a nice early season test and chance to visit with a lot of old friends and make some new ones.
Friday would start with pure brilliance. Luke pulled up to check in, and was given a prime spot in terms of being close to turn ins. He asked, “Who’s in the spot next to us?”
“Big Block BBQ”
“Hahahaha.”
We were next to them the previous weekend at Ironman and had a ton of fun, so we knew up front that we were in for a good weekend. Luke pulled in the trailer next to Rick and Mark, who immediately tried to pay the man in the golf cart to take me somewhere else. We got settled in, set up and ready to do business.
We had a nice day of visits with our friends from J.D.’s Smokin Misfits, American Royal Invitational Champions Smokin’ Hoggz, and the Rhode Hoggz, formerly known as ZBQ. All our usual friends were there too, and we had a heck of a dinner with Life is Good, But BBQ is Better and Rockin Robyn’s, which may or may not have included some wicked guitar jamming with LAT and Rolfe.
A big highlight of the weekend was getting to meet our sponsor Bob Trudnak of the BBQ Guru and Hav’n a BBQ. Bob is a great dude, and if you haven’t tried his products, I would highly encourage you to do so.
The weather settled down, and the cook didn’t have any hiccups really. We were real happy with our turn ins
The team next to us, Simple Joe’s, were a hoot to cook next to. They just came together for the 1 competition. During the early rambunctious hours of the night, the girls were sitting outside, and the song Sexual Healing by Marvin Gaye came on and the tent was getting rumbly. The girls leaned over to make sure everything was okay, and the guys from Simple Joe’s replied with a “safe word.”
They said that their safe word was “Blueberry.”
So…naturally, Luke, upon learning this would randomly yell out “BLUEBERRY” all Saturday morning.
Awards were EARLY (Thank you Sandy) and the calls started ringing in. We were pleased with getting a 9th place brisket call and finishing with a very respectable 13th overall. Huge congrats to our friends with Sauce This! on their GC and to Christmas City on their RGC. And also to our friends at Aporkalypse Now on their 180 in chicken. Great job guys.
Thanks to Jerry Gates from Barbecue Mayham for the photo!
We’ll be back at it very soon. Keep on smoking!